Questions I wish I’d stop getting as a WOC in business
It’s an exciting time to be a woman of color (WOC) in business. My journey has been rewarding, filled with unique encounters and inquiring minds. While diversity is increasingly celebrated in the business world and beyond, there are times I’ve had uncomfortable questions posed of my work and background; by prospective investors, curious customers, and even my own family!
In this blog post, I’ll be sharing some of the questions I get in my unique walk as a First-Gen Latina entrepreneur, and in a positive spin, suggest some alternative questions I think would foster more constructive conversations.
"Where are you really from?"
As a proud First-Gen American, I understand why the question is posed, but it can be tough to know what people mean when they ask this. I’m from Los Angeles, but my parents are from Mexico. But because of how I look and how I was raised, I relate to the saying “ni de aqui ni de alla” (not from here, not from there).
While asking about someone’s heritage can be a beautiful thing, this question can sometimes make people of color feel like they don't fully belong. Instead, you could try asking, "Tell me about your background and heritage. What cultural experiences have shaped your perspective?"
"You're very well-spoken! How did you learn to speak so well?"
While I appreciate leading a question with a compliment, implying that a person of color would not automatically be ‘articulate’ can come across as patronizing, especially for people like me, who were born and raised in the United States. Instead, consider asking something more appropriately tied to someone’s background or skills.
Similarly, asking someone “Do you speak Spanish?” can be a pain point for many children of immigrants from any region. Many immigrant families don’t teach their kids their native language in order to help them assimilate, and out of shame or fear. When someone who doesn’t speak their native tongue is asked this question, it can make them feel as though they have to prove their heritage. I’d suggest waiting until you know someone a bit more intimately to ask those pointed questions, or perhaps, asking in a more gentle way, “what languages does your family communicate in?”
"Did you get any special grants or favors for your business because of your background?"
This question insinuates that someone’s success might be attributed to affirmative action, or special treatment, rather than hard work and talent. While diversity initiatives are essential, they are not the sole reason for a WOC's success, and this question should really not be asked unless you have a pre-established relationship with the person you’re asking it of.
Instead, you could ask, "What strategies or qualities do you think have contributed to your achievements?" This question acknowledges their accomplishments based on merit and hard work, and opens the door to hear about their ideas and advice.
"Can you speak on behalf of all [insert ethnicity] people?"
This one is usually formed by someone asking me to answer a broad, often insensitive question about my culture. For example, once someone finds out I’m Mexican, I’ve heard judgemental questions posed about why Mexicans eat certain foods, speak a certain way, and so on.
Expecting one person to represent an entire culture group is unrealistic (and unfair). Instead, ask, "Can you share your perspective and experiences as a [insert ethnicity] professional in this industry?" This question allows people of color to offer their unique insights, without assuming they speak for everyone.
"How do you handle workplace discrimination?"
While addressing discrimination is crucial, constantly focusing on it, or redirecting a conversation to it right away, can feel draining and isolating. Instead, you could inquire about whether or not someone utilizes a mentor or coaching courses to help them navigate challenges in their career. This question opens up the conversation to help you learn about options that may help you along your journey, too.
"Do you have a 'real' job, or is this just a side project?"
This question undermines my entrepreneurial efforts by suggesting that my businesses aren’t legitimate, or successful enough to support my livelihood. Instead, ask about how someone got started in their field or industry of choice.
"How do you manage work and family responsibilities?"
While this question may seem innocent, it can be invasive, assuming that someone’s family obligations (especially for a woman) are a hindrance to their career. Not many people ask my husband whether or not his responsibilities to our family conflict with his work life – I wonder why women asked this question so frequently.
An alternative to this would be asking how someone balances their work and personal (not family) life, and couching the question in that it’s a popular topic in today’s world, or something that you may struggle with as well.
As a WOC in business, some questions can be discouraging and frustrating to hear. They often reinforce stereotypes and biases, rather than acknowledging someone’s achievements, dedication, and entrepreneurial spirit. To foster a more inclusive and respectful world, it's crucial to think carefully about how you speak to colleagues and fellow entrepreneurs, asking them questions that focus on celebrating their contributions, rather than making them feel outcast.
Questions I want to hear asked instead
To help guide meaningful conversations at your next networking event or mixer, here are some kind and thoughtful questions that someone could ask a female entrepreneur and/or person of color about their work and business:
What inspired you to start your business?
What are some of the challenges you've faced, and how have you overcome them?
Can you describe some of the key values and principles that guide you?
What do you enjoy most about entrepreneurship?
Do you have tips for how to balance all your priorities to ensure your well-being?
Could you share some of the lessons you've learned along the way that have helped you grow professionally?
What impact do you hope to make through your business, both in your community and beyond?
Are there any exciting projects or initiatives you're currently working on?
How can we support your work?
These thoughtful questions not only foster a positive and respectful conversation, but also allow people of color to share their expertise, experiences, and aspirations more authentically. Questions like these show support and interest, and provide a gateway for meaningful follow-up conversations as you get better acquainted.
Conversations in business should be empowering, respectful, and inclusive. By reframing well-intentioned questions to have more positive undertones and considerate framing, we can create a more inclusive and uplifting environment where women and people of color can share their stories and insights. Let's foster conversations that celebrate diversity and empower everyone in their entrepreneurial endeavors.
